Consider Yourself
Let me tell you about a time when I met the less kind side of being considerate.
Imagine this: my roommate was going to bed, and I planned to stay up.
"Are you ok with the lights on?"
“Yeah, I can totally sleep with lights. Don’t worry.”
“Ok.”
After a while, I started to feel bad. I found myself wondering if I should text my roommate's partner to confirm if she indeed could sleep with the lights on, or if she was being nice. Let’s pause here.
Is this me being considerate? Yes.
Is this me not trusting others to speak up for what they need? Also yes.
This was a learned behavior:
When I spoke up for what I needed, I didn’t receive it from my parents who would call my friends to ask if I was ok.
At work, I also learned to gradually stop asking for what I needed because I rarely received it.
From these “evidences” my mind created a “truth”: If I can’t be honest about what I need, others must not be able to either.
It took years to realize this belief was a driver behind my own acts of consideration — as a partner, an employee, a friend, and a daughter.
“I worked way too hard to make sure others were really, really ok. This left me tired, and at times, resentful. ”
With this awareness, I saw that I have a choice.
I could stay tired. Or I could learn to trust others by also trusting myself.
This looks like regularly making requests: big or small, in the moment or later, concisely or taking my sweet time to explain.
These practices gave me a path to experience what it’s like to be seen and heard.
In turn, it also gave me more capacity to do the same for others.
💬 SO I WANT TO ASK YOU
How has “being considerate” played a role in your life?
Not sure where to start? Let’s figure it out together.
