Freedom in Messy
I'm so grateful the movie Turning Red exists. It is so cathartic to watch as a first generation Asian daughter, and also as someone who is still embracing the beautiful mess that I am.
Growing up, I’ve learned that looking calm, cool, collected gets you far. It gave those around me a sense of security, clarity, and confidence that we could weather any storm together – and we did.
Had you glanced under my hood, you would have found that I was far from calm in those moments. The panic and insecurities didn’t disappear; I simply got better at ignoring them. I kept quiet or spoke inoffensively. I would prepare twice as long because I was worried about how others would react. People around me got so accustomed to my stability, I thought I couldn't lose my cool since it would make them uncomfortable.
The result: I gained a superpower that caged me in.
Being trapped in this cage meant I forgot how to be sad, furious, or enraged when those emotions surfaced, and that walked me right into resentment. What good was it to make everyone else feel safe if it means I wasn’t?
So I started looking for my cage’s key.
I got curious about how I came to believe that composure meant I had to handle all problems on my own or why I defaulted to remaining quiet when I was in pain. I practiced expressing anger responsibly, first on a boxing bag, then with words. I learned not to judge myself when I cried publicly or privately.
“I started to embrace being messy so that I could be free.”
I’m still working on dismantling my cage but at least the door is now open.
The best part? I didn’t lose my poise and composure by being messy. Nowadays when you see me calm, it is an authentic reflection of how I feel inside.
I didn’t get to this stage by myself. I had the support of a life coach that guided me in developing my self trust. So if you’re wondering how to be messy, consider having someone in your corner who can help you along the way.
💬 SO I WANT TO ASK YOU
What can being messy give you?
Not sure where to start? Let’s figure it out together.
