No Pain, No Gain
Do you ever say, "No pain, no gain"?
I didn’t realize how deeply I’d absorbed this lesson until I watched my immigrant parents hustle to make the most of what little they had. As I grew older, it got reinforced by managers, peers, and even what I watch on TV.
Without really noticing, it started shaping how I showed up at work and in my relationships:
Ignored my own needs so that I could be "enough" for others
Endured microaggressions and criticism so I could be seen as "strong"
Took on way more than others so I could show I was a "good" worker
Took pride in my suffering, thinking I would be rewarded later
For years, these hits knocked me down again and again. Like a fish in water, I didn’t notice how much I’d surrounded myself with struggle.
“Over time, I’d gone from a bright, confident person to someone who second-guessed every move and showed up cautiously.”
But eventually, two things helped me change that.
The first phase was boxing, where I learned resilience and how to take a hit without falling.
When that got me as far as it could, I found coaching, which helped me see my blind spots:
I was chasing acceptance from people who would forgo me the moment I messed up.
My loyalty wasn’t always rewarded, and sometimes landed me in more work with no support.
The person who was dismissing me the most? Me.
The last one was the final hit I was willing to take. I started making changes to protect my time and energy. Sure, I hesitated and sometimes broke promises to myself. Still, overall, I learned that growth didn't have to happen "under fire."
Having someone in my corner changed everything for me. My coach helped me find permission to exercise self-compassion that I could never achieve alone. That helped me get further in life than I ever have.
I’d love to be that person for you. And if you want to find out how, meet me over Zoom, and let's talk.
💬 FOR NOW, I’LL ASK:
