I can barely believe it: it has been five years since I proposed to my partner.

Surprised? You would not be alone – it is still uncommon for a woman to pop the question to a man.

This part of my story has elicited many reactions:

"Uh...that's cool?" with a quick flash of furrowed brows
"Why?!" abruptly followed by “I mean, I guess that’s cool.”
"What! That's cool!" paired with a hearty high five or jaw drop

Behind the similar words was something unspoken, communicated through looks. I soon found myself in a web of conflicting messages when I began to read between the lines.

A woman should not be the one asking. That is strange.
What is wrong with her? Will her partner not propose? Maybe he does not love her that much?
She is brave – way to tell the patriarchy to screw itself.

I did not imagine these messages; they have surrounded me my whole life. Yet, it is unsettling to hear this after making a significant life decision. It can leave one wondering: Am I doing the right thing? Have I made a terrible mistake?

Thankfully, others' opinions had a different effect on me. Rather than bring me down, they reminded me of my gumption and honesty. Taking the time to understand my relationship to proposals helped me realize that this was an act of: